a break, sort of...

I took a night off tonight. Not like I really could, but I did. Cell phone in hand, checking text messages.

I had checked her blood sugar levels and gave her an afternoon snack. I had talked to the doctor and we adjusted her Lantis. (form of insulin) I said good bye to my family as if I was embarking on a long quest through unchartered territory to look for food. bundled up with snow shoes on heading off in the dark. "I must go" I thought, we need food. I will be back soon. keep the fire tended while I am gone.

not really. but it felt that way.

It was sunny today. cold, windy, but sunny. I needed to pay some bills and see my mom. we had decided we could combine errands and my mom and I could end our evening with dinner and a chance to talk.

my daughter was checked. three girls at computer together. big sister in charge of computer game.

dad with boys in bedroom, building a wall made out of stuffed animals. yes. really.

I think our three year old boy has been feeling displaced. His twin sister now gets a lot of attention and I know he was really worried about her. when she had said her goodbyes on the way to the hospital (we did stop by home against the doctors advice to grab a few things for the drive, as it was upto an hour away), our little guy had been very sad that his sister was leaving for a few days and with an uncertain diagnosis at the time. He said "but she is my best best friend!" yes it broke my heart too.

so anyways, he was building a wall to be able to play by himself undisturbed. but when offered help by daddy and his baby brother, he gladly accepted it.

so I left with my bill book, my shopping list, and cell phone in hand. I picked up my mom and we proceeded to do errands. soon I had a text that the macaroni casserole took longer to cook then my husband had realized. I said just test her at 530 then and start giving her other food until it is ready. that 's fine. ok. good.

we finished our errands and headed to dinner. we recently joined red robins new reward club and if you eat there 5 times in six weeks, you earn a twenty dollar gift certificate. sounds great to me. so my mom and I headed to red robin.

after dinner, we did some shopping. I had a missed phone call. I called my husband right away. He had accidently given her too much lantis. He had already called the doctor. she said just give extra carbs at bedtime snack. He was fixing food. I asked if he had checked her levels first. no, he hadn't. she already had the cereal. I said quick check, then give her the food.

new missed call. actually four missed calls. somehow, my phone had stopped alerting me between red robin and gymboree. or I briefly lost myself in the sale rack at gymboree. I also had a twenty percent off coupon in hand. priorities, please.

her levels had dropped to 58. what should he do? he was giving her apple juice and cereal. I said call doctor. she should have the juice alone first. just check with doctor. doctor never called back. I don't know why. meanwhile my husband checked her every 15 minutes for the next hour making sure her levels continue to go up. see my previous blog: OCD. newly diagnosed parents need to be given a few extra social graces. we can look fanatic at any given moment.

He finally was satisfied with her readings reaching over 130. exhausted and her too, time for bed.

crisis over.

my mom found me in gymboree, clutching my cell phone. she asked if my husband had called me too. yes he had. everything is fine.

we finished our evening at Cinnabon and coffee bean and tea leaf. she would be in bed when I got home, so I could safely bring a highly carbonated treat laced with sugar into the house.

I looked at journal page for today and all of my husband's entrys for the last few hours.

we thought we had been through so much 3 years ago with my other daughter and her broken leg. she had been put in a body cast due to the break in the femur bone. we learned so much about needs of sick children then. we thought we had become strong during that 3 month trial. to have a little 3 year old girl trapped in a body cast on your couch for 2 months and then rehab for a month. bed pans and wheelchairs and ambulance rides to and from the doctor. home nurses and caring visitors and scrubbing a urine soaked cast and morphine let downs and the shock of being called by the school to come get our daughter because she wouldn't stop crying, her leg was really hurting. this will be a blog entry in itself someday.

well here we are again, our three year old daughter, different daughter but same age, and same shock, and same almost life threatening condition of what if? a broken femur can also be fatal, as many told us later, trying to comfort us? just as untreated type 1 diabetes could have turned fatal, if we would have let if go too long.

the irony now? people keep telling us about this great diabetes outdoor organization where we live. well, we just happen to live down the street from them. we had already become friends with them but for other reasons. The founder owns a vespa scooter. so does my husband. so they talk scooter talk. they drove to santa barbara together one day. who would have ever guessed that we needed him in our life? Also another woman that knows three other people that I do has just contacted me because her daughter is also type 1 diabetic. who knew? well. again, God knew. if you keep your eyes open, its amazing to see the plans laid out in front of you. you don't need to ask where to? or why? you just say "yes" and follow.

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11