the special blanky

my little sweetie is not being much of a sweetie tonight. Tonight she is being a rebellious three year old. She won't stay in bed. darn that day light savings. and the guard rail we recently took down. and her fast little legs, and her night owl personality.

Her numbers were good when she first went to bed. in the 200's. she had a small snack of milk and some crackers. not enough carbs for insulin. however, after all of this running, she is probably due for another snack.

I took her special blanky. actually she gave it to me. I told her that if she got up again, I would take her blanky from her. she walked out and handed it me, saying "I don't need this." and proceeded to get up another 27 times. oops. 28.

now she wants her blanky back. I told her that she has to stay put to get her blanky back.

we shall see.

one one thousand. two one thousand. three one thousand. so far so good.

I just gave her back her blanky. so far she has stayed. as I exited her room, and entered the livingroom, our mama cat was sitting directly in my path staring me down.

"what?!?" I said. or thought loudly.

Is she disappointed in my parenting? Does she dislike Dr. Ferber? or is she just looking for food in her bowl?

oh. food in her bowl.

I knew a woman that would have told me to just cosleep and all of these troubles would go away. until the one night I don't want to go to bed when my children do. Then I have crazy kids running around the house while I blog?

We followed attachment parenting when my teenager was little. that lasted until she was 3. her bedtime got later and later and she would only nap if she were in a car being driven around the block several times.

with one child, we had lost control.

we now have five. and we don't really have the luxury or energy more importantly, to cater to everyone of their desires.

I'm not sure how a diabetic child would do in a child led home anyways. what if they just want that ice cream sundae no matter what? do we stand firm or give in?

Being that I am the adult in charge, I stand firm.

she is still in bed. soon I will have to check her again. hopefully her numbers will be good. or moderate. she has been in the 170's lately, which is good. I have been staying up until midnight to check her, the past several nights and am tired. hoping husband will take midnight duty tonight. of course, it's already 930 and I still need to watch the American Idol results. This is how it becomes my job everynight. I'm up anyways. catching up on all my missed activities during the day while I was taking care of the kids.

I wanted to go out for a coffee tonight, but husband beat me to it. so I brewed coffee but biscottis are all gone. argh.

today is a day I could use a biscotti or ice cream.

It's been a long day ending with a longer night.

still peace and quiet. maybe she will finally give in and go to sleep.

we spend so much time grieving for the loss of her innocence and childhood and yet some nights just want her to go to sleep so I can sit down uninterrupted. I care but also am human and need a break.

I was thinking the difference with diabetes and some other diagnosis is that diabetes is a 24 hour concern. we are always exhausted now. you can't just forget about it at 730 pm and start a new day at 7 am. you have to check her at least once through the night and make sure and calculate and plan for how her body will do and survive the 11, 12 hours of sleep.

you can't ever neglect this disease.

If you know nothing about diabetes, you just don't know how big of a commitment this is.

It is a constant roller coaster.

with a special blanky attached.

and yes, she is finally asleep...