obsessive compulsive disorder

We are all still feeling the effects of our scare from last night. the sudden plunge of the blood sugar levels. innocently hanging out, getting ready for bed and daughter almost passing out on kitchen floor. (memories of college days?) no kids involved, just lots of stupid young adults.

as soon as dinner approached tonight, I began checking her blood sugar levels and counting carbs. then unsure of what she was going to eat, recounted again. then looked at chart for insulin. then looked at her plate again. then adjusted some food on her plate, then counted again. then checked chart again. finally settled on insulin amount and gave it to her.

then rethought what I gave her. last night she plunged one hour and minutes after dinner. what if I gave her more than she actually ate? it's tricky calculating food that I didn't create. I kept guessing and reguessing based on the carb counter book we have.

then she didn't want to finish all of her food. then she wanted new food. then she didn't want her milk. now she wanted her diet tea. did she look okay? is she too fussy?

I let her eat some more carbs, erasing what she didn't actually eat from the book. then I checked her blood sugar again. meanwhile bedtime is getting later and later.

now she has a special seat at the kitchen counter next to me as I keep recounting carbs at my station of books and journals and medical paraphenalia all over the counter next to the stove.

meanwhile, she has caught onto the whiny cry of "I'm suuuuper huuuungryyy..." when this happens, mom panics, checks her with undivided attention and offers her food and she gets to stay up when other kids go to bed.

so once she was in bed finally at 9 pm. she was still calling from bed that she was "still huuungryyy!" I gave her one piece of cheese then another. "still hungry....." I finally say "I'm going to check you sugar level again, if it's normal, or high, your body is fine and you need to go to sleep".

Her level was 258. she's fine. mom's been taken advantage of in her weakness.

I tell her "your levels are fine. you had a snack and two pieces of cheese. you are fine"

She says "okay"

just like that.

I was killing myself checking and rechecking and counting and recounting and offering food and more food....all it took was a confirmation for both of us.

you are fine.

what did I tell myself last night? "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough of its own worries."

good night.