that first night...

My eldest daughter applied to her top choice college the day that our sweetie was diagnosed.

I had been at the hospital all day. I had taken our sweetie to her doctor's appt to treat her bladder infection that morning. My eldest had stayed home to watch the rest of the kids. I saw this as God's providence now because we didn't know what was to come as we pulled out of the driveway that day. We had had trouble arranging babysitting and ended up with my daughter in charge. This made it very easy for us to finish the rest of the day, because she could be in charge, indefinitely.

From the doctor's office, we were rushed to the hospital, one hour away. We then were placed in the pediatric kiosk with an IV in our sweetie's arm, lots of blood tests, and the first round of insulin shots. Her diagnosis was confirmed hours later.

we then were given a wheel chair and escorted upto the pediatrics wing behind locked doors for security. we were given a room that would be home for the next 3 days.

Our daughter laid back in her hospital bed, stroking her special blanky with the ragged edge. She lay silent with an IV coming out of her arm.

Lots of blood checks and some food and some coffee runs for my husband and I. A few phone calls and lots of text messages. a painful phone call in an outdoor hallway explaining to my teenage daughter and mom what she was diagnosed with and what it meant.

Finally at 1030 pm at night, I was released to leave. My husband stayed in the cot next to my daughter and I began the hour drive home. I had been feeling nauseous all day and weary. brought on from the first moment I heard the word "diabetes" and watching the nurse casually say that there was no need to do another finger prick blood test; her numbers were too high to read.

I think I drove through In & out that night. I wanted to finally try to eat something. the doctor had offered me expired yogurt she found in her frig and then a granola bar that my daughter gladly ate.

I was still making lots of trips to the bathroom wanting everything to be normal when I returned.

no ruby slippers tucked in a cupboard.

I arrived at home at almost midnight. My teenage daughter was sitting up watching American Idol recorded from earlier. My mom had left awhile ago. I sat down next to her on the couch. My house felt different. It didn't feel like home anymore. Everything had changed. I would have to leave again at 9 am to head back to the hospital. I was just checking in to leave again.

As I laid my head back on the couch and tried to rest, My daughter said to me," I need help writing my essay for my college application. It's due tonight."

let's pause for a moment of silence...

"you're kidding, right?" Thinking to myself, "Do you know what kind of day I have had????"

and so a mother's job is never done.

She sits next to me on a chair with her laptop on her lap, asking me advice and reading to me what she writes as I drift in and out of sleep.

When she is done, she is not sure how it came out. But it is time to send it electronically or it will be late. I say, "just send it, there is nothing else you can do."

She sent it.

and here we are, six weeks later.

She was accepted. This college is her first choice. We are just working on funding right now so that she can go.

and when she goes...

I will always think of that first night of living with diabetes.