Grief

It is grief. Grief: the mourning of a lost one.

I don't know the official definition, I don't want to take the time to look it up. But it is suffering, the absence of, the wanting them back, the pain, the why's?, the utter disdain...

despair...

we all feel grief. we can grieve the loss of a television show, we can grieve the move of a close friend, we can grieve the loss of health with a diagnosis, we can grieve the loss of a loved one.

Are we to judge the degree of grief?

I felt inadequate, almost hurtful or prideful, telling the father that just lost his son, that I feel his pain. He could say with anger that "You still have your children to hug everynight!" But he won't. He is far too composed for that.

But I did feel inadequate. I don't want to be disrespectful but I can feel a loss and put myself in his place, I know what it's like to not be able to share my newly developed film to my eagerly awaiting Dad. I have all of my kids still, praise God, but I have had several moments of mortality in the last several years. so many.

When we lose something that we treasure, we lose a piece of ourselves with it. that moment that we used to be able to pull out of the box and hold in our hand and caress it and look at it and notice every nook and cranny in it. we could then put it back in the box for the next time, until that box disappears. Then, we miss our item in the box but we also long for that comfort again, that experience, that joy that it brought us. It can't be duplicated, even with an object similar to it, its not the same.

We see this in the movie "Lord of the Rings". The little shriveled man that doesn't really resemble a man anymore. Gollum. disfigured and full of greed and envy and malice because his precious ring was lost or taken or coveted. His loss has disfigured him. He killed for that item and it destroyed him. He is no longer recognizable.

So how do we avoid becoming disfigured by grief?

We fondly remember our item or person or loss. We keep it alive as our cherished memory. we honor it. we talk about it. we celebrate it. Life keeps ticking on. the train never stops. experiences change everyday. If we hung on to that box forever, eventually we would set it down and forget it. to find it dusty and hidden behind books one day. for our lives carry on.

Just as Frodo had to give up the precious item to save himself. He could have kept it as it looked great around his neck. He could have trusted Gollum and perished with his greed. He could have thrown away his mission and disappeared to covet this new item all by himself.

But Frodo knew that it was a gift that had been given to him. He knew that with this gift he had a great responsibility. He knew that he must think about the best for everyone, not just himself as he carried this ring. He knew that their would be struggles and demons to overcome but he knew that by releasing it, it would set everyone else free too.

Like Jesus? sacrificing his own will and desires for the benefit of all mankind?

We must welcome grief as a chance to be like Jesus. To mourn the loss of what could have been for what it can be.

We all experience pain and loss. we are all affected by each other's tragedies. we know what it means to get a flat tire, to lose your car keys, to have a panicked moment of where your child is, to having that dreaded phone call. It may be your brother, your father, your husband, or your son, but we are all human and we all share the same fragile experience of life.

we must stay focused on the higher creator, the Lord, God, to keep giving us direction, and comfort, and our plans so that we can keep going forward according to his will and not ours.