a friend's diagnosis

Today, I received a phone call that another child was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  I was asked to call and speak with her and encourage her and just be there for her.  I did.

How do I feel when I get these calls?  It's been four years now since our son was diagnosed.

 It's hard.   Every new diagnosis is my child again.  That moment where your life changes forever and then you realize how fragile life is, even for a child.

Even though, it has been four years for us, it still is us together, going through diagnosis all over again.  It's the seriousness of it, the sadness of it, the hope, the finality of it, the brand new world of it.
We live it everyday, whether it is maintenance or reliving those moments, prior to diagnosis, during the hospital stay, or the daily stress of the maintenance of their health.

We mourn for every family that has to hear those words, that their child is really sick and has a disease that won't go away.  The unfair lot, that we are all handed that was the last plans we had for our children.  Our children that are meant to be innocent and enjoy life.

Another diagnosis is another diagnosis of another family living with a burden that they didn't ask for.

We must join as a community and help take care of our young and give all of us parents an extra hug as most of us need it.

endo appointment

our diabetes sweeties! at their joint endo appointment.  Our sweetie has been using a pump now for a few  months and our sweetie pie wants to start using a pump!  He does not like shots.  He just went through his honeymoon period where we had to keep reducing his insulin due to his body trying to provide its own insulin sporadically.  The honeymoon period, ironically named, is the time where the pancreas dies.  Its the vampire time of transition from the body fighting for life and producing its own insulin to finally giving up and accepting injections of insulin as life support.  After diagnosis, you have to wait out the honeymoon.  You know he has diabetes and start treatments, yet his body fights.  It wants to live and survive but it will slowly just give up the fight.  You just have to wait for the honeymoon to be over.  But its not a honeymoon to know that your son's pancreas is dying.  If we didn't have bottles of insulin in the fridge, he would slowly die too. 

in the hospital

 

Here is our little sweetie pie 2.  Diagnosed on April Fool's Day.  2013.  almost exactly the same age as his sister's diagnosis.  (two years prior).  He understood enough that he DID NOT want diabetes!!!  He didn't want shots or to have his carbs counted.  He didn't want IV's or feel sick to his stomach.  It still breaks my heart.  People say, "isn't it easier this time, since you know what it is now?"  I say "no".  Because I know what it is, it is even that more heart breaking. 

never forget

People often ask us how our son is doing.  They want to let us know that they care.  They assume that our son is better now.  They say since we went to the hospital and are home now, things must be okay now.  Right??

I was showing my new tattoo to my brother in law today.  It is a diabetes awareness ribbon with two blood drops.  One drop for my daughter, one for my son.  The ribbon became the angel's body and wings sprout from the ribbon and then topped off with a halo and the words that encircle it, "you will never walk alone, Psalm 145." 

I was sharing with him how I felt God had directly reassured me that he would always protect and take care of my daughter the day after I went running down the church hall to revive her from dropping to low and passing out. 

He asked "why the tattoo?"  I told him how I had to go back to work right after being in the hospital with my little 3 year old son.  I am and was still dealing with shock, almost PTSD with the reality that I now had a second memory in my mind of another child frantically being driven to the hospital, hoping that he was okay and wouldn't be transported by ambulance once we arrived at the hospital to a more comprehensive hospital in Los Angeles. 

I had to go back to work and not talk about what I was experiencing.  I taught Algebra, not diabetes awareness.  I felt neglectful.  I felt guilty not obsessing about the well being of my son and daughter every minute.  With two diagnosis, I was overwhelmed.  afraid that I would forget to check one of their blood sugar levels or let down my guard and something bad might happen.  So I got the tattoo.  In a visible spot on my arm so others would have to see it and ask about it.  I would be forced to keep my children in the forefront of my mind.  To never forget the battle we are now commissioned to fight.  To keep them alive and healthy.  and educate when ever we get the chance. 

Type 1 and type 2 are distant relatives.  Their pancreas' are dying.  It isn't their diet.  it isn't too much sugar.  It is an auto immune disease.  and their pancreas is dying.  they are insulin dependent.  They can't eat without a shot and can't sleep a full night without having their blood checked to see their sugar levels. 

my hands were already full.  so I ask God to take control.

our sweetie's younger brother

 

April 1, 2013, just almost two weeks ago, our sweetie's 3 year old brother, almost exactly the age that our sweetie was when she was diagnosed, our little guy was diagnosed with the same disease. 

 

People ask, how did we know?  We watched how thirsty he was.  But he had a cough.  He was thirsty from his cough.  but two weeks later, he was thirstier and his cough was almost gone.  On the day after Easter, I decided to check his blood sugar levels.  The meter read "high glucose".  I began to feel panicked.  I checked him one more time, and it read the same.  I decided to call our sweetie's doctor. 

 

 As I was on the phone with her, my little guy laid down on the kitchen floor and fell asleep,  Then he suddenly sat up and threw up.  Our doctor said that I needed to get him to the hospital right away.  That night, after we were admitted, his diagnosis was confirmed.  TYPE 1 DIABETES. again. 

 

We are relearning.  Our sweetie is on a pump now and doing well.  Our little guy is receiving many shots a day and hates it.  He runs and hides.  He receives stickers each time to earn towards a prize but he doesn't understand why he needs shots everytime he eats a meal now.  The first few days, he was so angry.  He wanted to eat and eat and eat and got angry when he couldn't.  He stood in the kitchen one day and kicked a cereal box over and over. 

 

Some have said "well, at least, you are familiar with type 1 diabetes."  As if this is consoling or saves us time.  Unfortunately, whether I know about it or not, my child is still now diagnosed with a permanent disease.  His life is forever changed.  Our lives are forever changed.  We do know the burden we already carry with our sweetie and are not consoled with his new diagnosis because we are familiar with this disease.

 

We knew that our risk was higher that in our family, someone else could be diagnosed, since this is a genetic disease.  But we are always warned about things and we know that a lot of times this doesn't come true.  But unfortunately our odds were against us in this. 

 

Our sweetie has a twin brother that now feels displaced.  Our sweetie was so excited when her little brother was diagnosed because she will not longer suffer alone in the family.  But her loving twin brother, now feels left out. 

 

We are so new in this new reality and wish to convey our heaviness rather than acceptance at this time.  But ultimately, we know that God fore knew this and is providing along the way. 

 

 

 We have hope and know that we don't walk this new path alone, yet we were already so very busy...