dollar donations for juvenile diabetes

I went into the store Marshall's, tonight. I was shopping for my sweeties upcoming birthday. September 20, she will be four. I haven't thought about the title of this blog...for now she will stay indefinitely three. Just as I am indefinitely 29. But I don't walk around with a title. Just tired.

When I walked upto the register to pay for my items, I noticed that they had balloons tied at the registers. They were all stamped JDRF. Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. Marshall's is currently asking their customers to donate money to help further research for Juvenile Diabetes.

That moment of realization seemed so surreal to me. Almost a trip into a vortex. The 17 year old girl ringing me up probably taped the signs at her register as she was told to do. Somebody blew up balloons with helium and tied them to the stations at the counter. A manager probably told every young employee that a new procedure that they had to follow now was to ask each customer if they would like to donate a dollar to help cure Juvenile Diabetes.

Every dollar being collected now suddenly was coming back to me. This campaign is for my family. But will it really benefit us? We are the real thing standing in the middle of all of these customers and amongst all of these inflated balloons, but how does their dollar change my life? Most of these people don't even know that we are a living example of this campaign and what living with diabetes even means. Or even how people become diabetic or how serious it is and how even a little three year old can suddenly find herself in a hospital bed with an IV and not hear the whispered conversations of the doctors deciding how close to death she really was at diagnosis.

Just like at Babies R Us, you can add a dollar to your purchase to help research Autism. Or at the pet store, you can add a dollar to help animal shelters.

This prepackaged marketing campaign that shows up in kits to be displayed for a set time actually represented us. It was like walking into a store that had strung photos of us all over the store. Like walking down a maternity aisle pregnant. Like watching a film about a cancer survivor while lying in a hospital bed with cancer. It was real. It was no longer just a marketing campaign to help us all feel better about spending our money in a store on extraneous items. Suddenly the JDRF letters came into focus and meant something.

Very convenient and yet does anyone even know what Juvenile Diabetes is? or where their money really goes? People just dutifully give a dollar or don't. Then take their purchases and leave. Do they feel good about giving a dollar? Or do they feel good that they didn't give a dollar?

Before my 17 year old attendant, could ask me if I would like to convienently add a dollar to my purchase. (ironically for my diabetic daughter's birthday!). I pointed to the sign taped to her counter. I said, "my daughter has diabetes." Then I just looked at her. She responded with a very sad look and a response of "ohhhh." and then proceeded to ask if I would like to give a dollar. I pulled out a photo of my daughter and said "here she is...she has diabetes...we live with it everyday." Again she responded with a sad face and "ohhhhh". (imagine sad pucker and downward expression)

She asked me if we participate in the JDRF walks. I said, not yet. She was only recently diagnosed. Insert here, another sad pouty face. She proceeded to tell me how some people are happy to donate money and some people get angry and don't want to donate. I said, "I think a lot of people just don't understand what diabetes is." She agreed.

and with that, I said thank you and left yet another uneducated person about diabetes. It wasn't the time to start teaching her about what it is. But I did tell her before I left that she just met a real mother of a real person living with diabetes. So the next customer she asks for a dollar, she can tell them about me and my sweetie.

and ironically, a store can hang signs and validate a worthy cause and encourage you to donate money and yet we mother's still run into people that just don't understand what diabetes is and what needs our children have and make our paths even harder.

tell people to read my blog. Money is nice, but education is always cheaper in the long run.

a game...

Today as I was fixing lunch for the kids, I looked out into the backyard where the kids were playing. I see my 6 year old daughter over my diabetic daughter. Our sweetie is laying on her back in the grass. My 6 year old, is standing over her, tickling her. I say "what are you doing?" My older daughter responds,"I'm tickling her because she won't wake up."

pause

dry my hands on kitchen towel.

I was on the phone with my husband while fixing lunch as I had been looking out the sliding glass door, watching the kids. yes. multitasker.

I set the phone on the counter and ran out to my daughter.

It was a hot day today. and they were all tired. and they had been playing for awhile.

I run up and look at her and say her name. I ask my other daughter to move out of the way. My little one opens her eyes and looks at me but does not jump up right away or laugh.

I scoop her up quickly and run into the kitchen. I set her up on the kitchen chair and talk to her. "how are you doing?" She looks at me but doesn't say anything. I am thinking "oh, my, goodness! Is this an emergency?!?" meanwhile, my husband is still on the other line of the phone. waiting on the kitchen counter.

I grab her meter and quick check her finger. I am watching the numbers count down 5....4.....3....

I am fully expecting an 18 reading. I am thinking, "Should I just give her apple juice right now?" The number finally pops up on the meter....ready?......

281.

281.

281. yep. she's not low. She's high!!!! I say "you're fine!!"

My teenage daughter says, "oh, they were just playing a game." oh, really?! I say. heavily with sarcasm. funny game.

I go to the phone and tell me husband. He was definitely shaken up and said that he was already planning to drive immediately home. Fully expecting an emergency situation. He said that he was planning and preparing to coach me through the glucagon shot.

He definitely chokes back tears when we try to change the topic of conversation.

Rushing to the hospital just six weeks ago is still too fresh in our minds. and the recent death of a friend's son.

After we talk a few more minutes, I say "good bye" to my husband and return to my daughter. She's high but still is acting low. I check her again to make sure the numbers are right. This time it reads 291. hmmm. how did it go up in 10 minutes?

Since she has now convinced herself that she is low (probably due to some of my theatrics) she now wants lots of smarties. She gets up from her chair and goes to the cupboard where they are kept and says "I'm super low, I need candy..." (add the whiny, tired crying voice). I sit her down and bring over her lunch.

Soon her siblings join her and they all eat and watch one of their favorite shows. Little Einsteins.
She eats everything on her plate. She was hungry. She then goes to the couch and finishes her show.

The end result; I guess she was hungry and tired and playing a game. I tell my teenage daughter how serious I thought this was and how scared I was. She tells me that they were just playing a game. She saw them play a similar game yesterday.

nonchalance from the teenager. innocence on their end and very scary on my end. I don't think my sweetie even understands the seriousness of the disease that she carries. or how unfun that game looked. she is only 3. She innocently acts out what could someday be a reality. she just doesn't know it.

God bless her naivete. and God bless my quick reaction.

and God bless the quick recovery from my brief heart attack!

and here's to another sleepless night as we continue to live with the reality of a daughter with diabetes.

A precocious daughter with diabetes.

really funny precocious daughter.

so funny I forgot to laugh.