I find myself still being brought to tears when I think about my daughter.
Tonight was the first time that I have seen my father in law since our sweetie was diagnosed. He doesn't really understand what type 1 diabetes involves or know all the details of what happened when our daughter was diagnosed. He lives hours away and this was the first time we were able to show him her syringes, her meter, her candy supply, the photos of her hospital stay, the scare when the doctor looked me in the eye and told me that I had to rush my sweetie to the hospital almost an hour away.
He said to me that that must have been a shock.
I had to clear my throat and regain my momentum and answer "yes".
It was heartwrenching. more than a shock. I will never forget that day sitting on the chair with wheels, trying to clutch the phone receiver in my hand with the curly cord dangling down to the phone base. not allowing me to move too far away from the desk. while my daughter sat on the floor playing with her little toy. sitting quietly just watching me. looking up at me with trust in her eyes. not sure of what was to come next. all the while her body was sitting there slowly destroying itself. there she sat looking at me dying.
I didn't know that. that heart wrenching pain of being a mom and wanting to protect your children from everything you can and to find out that you have failed. that she is really really sick and it is out of your control.
Today my daughter told my husband that she is excited to see her grandpa because she gets to tell him about her diabetes!
wow.
she is weathering the storm.
how am I doing? getting there.
I carry the weight, she goes out and plays.
and that is how it is supposed to be for all children. we deal with the adult stuff like doctor phone calls, knowledge of worst case scenarios, how we will pay the bills, midnight force feedings. they sleep soundly.
to all of us mothers this mother's day that carry extra loads to make sure that our children have great days in spite of obstacles that we all face.
Very well said. Happy Mother's Day to you too! I am feeling the load today after being up all night with a low blood sugar and myself being sick. We are almost to the year mark and I still cry every single day at least once.
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